Merry Christmas, You Happy Dumba**es!

Completely unrelated to this post.  But sums up my thoughts on that creepy d*mn elf.

Completely unrelated to this post. But sums up my thoughts on that creepy d*mn elf.

Years ago, while the Bean Counter and I were at our respective jobs clearly accomplishing a lot, we had a long email conversation with the Labor Coach. At some point, it became the stuff of legends, at least in our minds.  I’ve decided to share it here as a nice distraction from the trying stories of job-hunting.

A little immediate context – the Labor Coach tends to be nauseatingly consistently cheerful and happy and the Bean Counter was dating someone at the time whose last name was Stoner.

Me:  This may well be my favorite quote of all time: “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.” – Ernest Hemingway

LC: I think she just called me stupid.

Me: Oh, here we go.

BC: I am blissfully stupid and proud of it.

Me: I’m going to take offense. I don’t have stupid friends. I could never abide them.

LC: I ain’t go no ugly friends, either.

BC: I ain’t go? Don’t make none of us go!

Me: I stand corrected.  You’re both idiots.

LC: Your response just made me titter like an idiot, so you might be right. I’m really too stupid to know.

Me: Laughter doesn’t mark you an imbecile.  I’ve laughed at the both of you and I refuse to concede idiocy ….. No, never going to happen.

BC: Now the giggles are so bad I had to shut my door.  I’m a little slap happy during tax season.

Me: I never have my door open. People appear to take it as an invitation to come in here and start talking.  Given my scathing nature, I’m convinced I work with a bunch of freaking masochists.

BC: Ah, but are they intelligent masochists?  That is the question.

LC: God, I LOVE you, Jen.  And they can’t be.  The only intelligent lawyers we know are Jen, the Patent Lawyer and some guy named Stoner.

Me: I’ll never get past my envy of you being able to send out Christmas cards that say “Happy Holidays, the Stoners.”  Or even better, “From Our House to Yours, the Stoners.” It’s the little things really.

BC: Or, “Merry Christmas, You Happy Dumbasses!  The Stoners.”  —- Okay, I’ll stop now before they open my door to see why I’m moaning. I am sooo trying not to bark with laughter.

LC: BC moaning.  Heh.  It’s because she’s a future Stoner.

Me: OMG, I’d love to see BC stoned.

BC: No. No, you wouldn’t.  It is quite ugly, really.  Stoned, I’m just paranoid and sleepy.  I’m a much happier drunk.  And I segue quite nicely back to our original discussion.

LC: *dreamy sigh* I love having friends who use the word ‘segue’ in sentences as casually as if it were slang.

Me: It concerns me your other friends are so happy that segue qualifies as large vocabulary.


Shameless plug: If you’d like a  Chosen Tribe Necklace or a Happy Dumba**es Christmas Card, just click on the links.  If you’re lucky, you have a chosen tribe, too.  I highly recommend them.

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3 Responses to Merry Christmas, You Happy Dumba**es!

  1. One of The Original Tribe says:

    Thank goodness I have friends who are as easily amused as I. What would I do without you happy dumb@sses? Merry Christmas to you, Jodi, and the Divine! We miss you!

  2. The Labor Coach, Tribal Founder :) says:

    OMG, I am SO HAPPY (does this mean I am stupid) that you saved this email exchange! Merry happy it’s almost my birthday, you happy dumbasses!

    • Jen says:

      I knew I had it saved somewhere but it took me a really long time to find it! And I had to edit it because we are a little bit inappropriate. Shocking, I know.

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