I have found my people!

build-your-largeSo, we’re keeping the Artist’s daughter, aptly dubbed the Actress, for a few days while the Artist is out of state.  Luckily, we like the Actress in more than just the obligatory way you sometimes have to like your friend’s children.   However, tomorrow we have other commitments so the Reader is going to come by and get both girls.  Thus began the email string between all of us today when the Reader was finalizing arrangements for tomorrow.  It’s full of dark and dry humor and I realized, we may have found the beginnings of our Colorado tribe!

From: the Reader

To: Me, Jodi and the Artist

Subject: the Actress/Divine Miss M Day

Hello Ladies,

Some things to think about for tomorrow . . . . . . .

Let me know if the Actress & the Divine Miss M would like to bake some Halloween cupcakes or make caramel apples, cookies, etc. I’ll run by the store tonight and pick up supplies.

If the kids are not into vodka or gin, let me know what beverages they prefer.

Also, what kind of munchies do they like? 😉

The girls should grab a DVD if they want to watch a movie at my house (all we have are pornos).

My parole officer comes by every Saturday afternoon, but it shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll just send the girls down to Henry’s Bar to wait for me.

Well, that about covers it. I’ll pick them up after yoga.

From: Me

To: the Reader, Jodi and the Artist

Subject: Re: the Actress/Divine Miss M Day

First, I’m really not sure what you’re thinking in sending this email. I mean, these children are 12 years old, for heaven’s sake – obviously they would like to bake anything involving sugar – cookies, cupcakes, whatever the theme will be more than acceptable. The fact you’re even asking makes me wonder about you keeping them but I’ll trust the Artist’s judgment.

Second, I’m not sure about the Actress but I peg the Divine Miss M to be a total vodka drinker. Gin is far too dry for her.

Third, as far as munchies, see above – though try to limit their intake or you shall be required to keep them much longer into the evening. Maybe the Actress will also bring the big bag of Lay’s Sour Cream and Onion chips she brought out of her house instead of the phone she went in for.

Fourth, soft porn is probably less damaging than the snark they watch on the Disney Channel but I’ll be sure to send a movie or two just in case. Plus, I’m guessing you’re more for the hard-core stuff, anyway.

Finally, I’m fairly certain a parole officer is in the Divine Miss M’s future so if you already have vodka at your house, maybe just keep her there instead of sending her down to the bar. Might help to start learning the procedure now.

The girls are under the impression that they are going with you to yoga so they can ice skate during. If this is contrary to your desires, blame the Artist, she gave them the idea …

From: the Reader

To: Me, Jodi and the Artist

Subject: Re: the Actress/Divine Miss M Day 

Okay, so a vodka martini for the Divine, and the Actress TBD. And, yes please, have them bring some movies. I would rather stick pins in my eyes than watch the Disney Channel. And you’re right, of course – we do prefer the hard-core stuff. Takes one to know one?

So, tomorrow I’ll introduce Miss M to my PO and let him know to expect her in a few years. Feel free to text me with any concerns.

From: the Artist

To: Me, Jodi and the Reader

Subject: Re: the Actress/Divine Miss M Day 

Be advised: I only let the Actress watch soft porn — heavy petting amongst pretty Asian ladies …

And her Booze preference would be Bailey’s in chocolate milk.

I wish I had the the time to go on and on, but alas I am on a 5 min break and cannot keep up with you freaks…even though we all know I am the funniest of the bunch.

Love and gin

From: Me

To: Jodi, the Reader and the Artist

Subject: Re: the Actress/Divine Miss M Day 

She called us freaks and then claimed to be funniest among us. I’m not sure what was most insulting.

From: the Reader

To: Me, Jodi and the Artist

Subject: Re: the Actress/Divine Miss M Day 


From: the Artist

To: Me, Jodi and the Reader

Subject: Re: the Actress/Divine Miss M Day 

This is mutiny!


I’m not sure why that bothers the Artist so much, it’s not like art requires humor and she’s a tech geek by day so you know, how much humor can we really expect?  Plus, she recently schooled me on how ‘actress’ was not in vogue and it was supposed to be ‘actor’ so I’m not really bringing the generosity.  I can’t keep up with the PC stuff.

Anyway, my people – I have found some here.

*Never fear, chosen tribe, you know I’ll always be mostly yours.

This entry was posted in Boulder, Chosen tribe, Colorado, Us. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to I have found my people!

  1. One of The Original Tribe says:

    I suppose it was inevitable that you would find others of our kind. Whatever you do, don’t dub us “The Oklahoma Tribe” as I will then despair of ever leaving your home state.

    I notice that Jo didn’t contribute. She must be the new tribe’s Tiny Dancer.

    The Beancounter

    • Jen says:

      She did once but the Reader’s email blocked her, which was hilarious in its own right but I couldn’t find a way to work that in smoothly here. Though, generally yes, she’s definitely the Tiny Dancer of this group.

      No worries, Beancounter, ours will always be my CHOSEN tribe.

  2. Original Founder, Original Tribe, Reason We Are All Here says:

    I think my name speaks for itself about how I feel about all of this. 🙂

    Also, I just laughed so hard at The Divine’s booze of choice that my coffee is more all over the desk than in my cup.

    I love you.

  3. Jenny- Some of your best work to date.. I never thought I’d see the day where you were discussing porn, alcohol, children and yoga all at once.

  4. StephLove says:

    I’m glad you found your tribe. It’s not an easy thing to do.

    • Jen says:

      Right?! It shouldn’t be so hard to find a community but it really is, though always worth the effort. Hope you have found your tribe as well.

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