Embarrassing Mom Moments – the Porn Wolves

They do it when you least expect it.

The Divine Miss M’s elementary school always had Open House about a week after school started.  I had particular fondness for Open House. Meet the teacher, find out the new class rules and procedures – all while it was too early in the year for said teacher to be pulling me aside to discuss a certain child’s behavior.  Back then, I considered the first few weeks of school “the honeymoon period” – for both me and the teacher. The only difference being I knew we were in the romance stage, the teacher was sadly oblivious.  Add the fact I knew most of the parents in the school and Open House was barely short of a party.

Second Grade’s Open House, though, held an unexpected surprise.

Her school’s mascot was the Wise Wolf and each student in her class was supposed to draw a Wise Wolf to put on display in the hallway right outside their door.  I unsuspectingly headed to her classroom and, with many many parents around me in the hallway, the Divine Miss M proudly pointed out her drawing:

Porn Wolves

Mother of God. I stood there, stunned, with my face (and ears, as Jodi will tell you) turning 500 shades of red.   I don’t recall what I said at first but I remember trying to keep a neutral expression on my face as she was telling me all about her drawing – that she was pointing at directly so I couldn’t even pretend we were discussing any other picture on the wall.  I found myself asking what her wolves were doing and as soon as I uttered the words, I panicked internally with what she might answer. But instead, she responded like I was an idiot, saying, “They’re playing.”

After we were in the classroom a while, I tried to convince myself maybe it wasn’t as bad as it seemed.  Later in the hallway, I  grabbed the elbow of a parent I knew and told them to look at M’s picture. She immediately gasped and brought her hand to her mouth. Dammit, it was exactly as bad as I thought.  The Labor Coach, who knows not an ounce of loyalty during a moment of need, laughed until I thought she was going to hurt herself and then dubbed them ‘the Porn Wolves.’  A name that stuck as that artwork turned into legend.

The Divine Miss M will have children of her own someday. I hope they like art as much as she does.  If so, I might make a point of attending all their Open Houses.

This entry was posted in Chosen tribe, Parenting, Us. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Embarrassing Mom Moments – the Porn Wolves

  1. Tribe Member says:

    Ah, if only I had been there…the Labor Coach wouldn’t have had to laugh alone. Heh.

    L.

  2. Barb says:

    Remember MadLibs? My daughter had checked one out of the school library. I got a call from the librarian saying that there was some writing and that Sarah could either erase it or I could pay for a new one. We got the book back and I looked it over to see what she’d written…don’t remember the sentence she was completing, but she filled one blank in with “testicles.” (Thanks to My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding.)

    About the same time, she had written a story that got posted. Part of her story was how her dad always gave the dog a snort (of beer).

    Needless to say, I was sure CPS would knock on the door at any moment.

  3. Lisa says:

    Now THAT is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in years. And yes, I would’ve been mortified as well.

    • Jen says:

      It’s funny to me now … and a little funny then. It’s definitely a parenting moment I’ll never, ever forget. I showed the picture to her recently (because I absolutely saved it) and she said, “That looks inappropriate.” Yes, dear, it did then as well.

  4. Johnson says:

    Finally i quit my regular job, now i earn a lot of money online you should try too,
    just search in google – slabs roulette system

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>